Our Culprit Had an Accident
by xoxfiresignx
Summary: OS Wammy House. Mello and Near are trying to find out who did it. L is pretending to be innocent. Matt just wanted to play Pokemon. [Random HILARIOUS youngCC]


**A/N :**

**My second Death Note fic ever, and my second one-shot. **

**I love the whole Wammy's house idea, (and I **_**LOVE**_** L) so I wrote a fic about L, Matt, Mello and Near as** **kids at Wammy's. hopefully you find it as fun to read as I found it to write!**

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**Our Culprit Had an Accident**

"Ew." Near looked down. "_You_ did that?"

L hit him upside the head. "Of course I didn't," he said, avoiding the younger boy's gaze. "It was like that when I got here."

"It couldn't have been," Mello commented from his place beside Near. "Matt was in there right before you."

They all looked at Matt. His eyes widened and he waved a handful of Pokemon cards around, shaking his head. "No way, I didn't do that. There's no possible way I could have. I'm healthy, man." He took a fake drag on his fake cigarette.

Mello, noticing that the cigarette was made of chocolate, grabbed it from Matt's hand and ate it in two bites.

Matt glared at him. "You do realize that there was paper on that?"

Mello shrugged and looked thoughtfully from Matt to L. "Well, if Matt didn't do it, and you were in there right after him . . . I'm sorry, L," he said apologetically. "But there's really only one logical conclusion." Near and Matt nodded their agreement behind him.

L swelled with indignation. "How _dare_ you! How dare you _suggest_ — I did not — I'm not like that at all!" He pointed at the scene before them. "Only someone with audacity — someone rude — inconsiderate . . . It wasn't me!"

Matt rolled his eyes and pulled another chocolate cigarette from the small cardboard box. Mello grabbed it with lightning speed, and it was gone in moments. Matt's eyes narrowed. "You're going to get sick from all that paper, you know."

Mello ignored him, focussing instead on L's assurances that he wasn't the culprit. "L, we don't think it's rude, or anything. It's gross, yeah, but it's totally understandable." He was trying to placate his mentor, but he could tell that it wasn't working. L's face, usually pale and calm, was red, and he was blustering.

"I didn't — it wasn't me. Must have been — the young ones — no respect." He shook his head, pacing across the white tiles. "_Honestly._ It's horrible, what they teach the young ones these days. Don't they realize that it's the older kids who'll have to clean this up? It's just so _rude_, so _unkind_, so —"

"Dude," Matt interrupted him, reaching for another cigarette. He noticed Mello's eyes light up hopefully, and withdrew his hand from the box. Mello's face fell when he saw that there was no chocolate in his friend's hand. Matt smirked, then remembered that he'd been talking to L. "It wasn't the little kids who did it. They couldn't _hold_ that much."

"And none of _us_ could have done it," Near added, gesturing at himself, Matt and Mello. "Mello and I were checking our marks on the test bulletin board while Matt was trying to explain a Pickle-chew to me."

"PIKACHU, you idiot!" Matt was visibly affronted.

Near shrugged. "Yeah, pickachew, whatever."

Matt gasped in horror. "No, it's Pickachu! As in peek, a, ch— hey!" Mello had tried to grab the box of chocolate cigarettes from Matt's pocket. As Matt jerked away, the Pokemon cards in his hand went flying in every direction, most of them landing right in the mess in front of them. Matt's eyes went wide. "Noooooooooo!" He fell to his knees and stared at his now-destroyed cards. "No." His eyes filled with tears.

Mello got down beside him and put his arms around him, trying simultaneously to comfort his friend and to grab the chocolate.

"There, there, Matt," he said, trying to slide his hand into the pocket of Matt's big winter vest. "Don't worry, we'll buy you new ones."

"You can't replace _those_!" Matt sobbed, pointing at some holographic cards that were being soaked as they watched. "Those are holographic collectibles. Look, there's Abra, and Gastly, and — this is just too horrible!" He burst into tears and ran from the room, stopping only to grab the cards that had landed away from the wet, disgusting mass.

"Poor Matt," Mello said calmly, chewing on a chocolate cigarette from the box that now sat in his palm. "Anyway, L, you'll probably have to buy him new cards."

L, who had been off in his own world while Matt had been crying, looked up in astonishment. "Me? Why?"

Mello sent him a look that was half-pitying, half-accusatory glance. "Because you made the mess that ruined them."

L bit his lip. He couldn't believe they were accusing him. "But I didn't —"

"L, it makes sense," Near said, as gently as possible. "You're the oldest, and so you're the biggest, the only one who could have produced that amount of . . ." He shuddered, then continued with his explanation. "You were seen going in right after Matt. When you finished, you were seen walking away at a very fast pace." L gulped. "Plus, you're the only person here who eats enough junk to make this sort of a mess."

"Who saw me running away — I mean, leaving?" L was trying to buy time, and both Mello and Near knew it.

"Does it matter?" Mello groaned. "We all know you did it, so just admit it, why don't you? It's even more embarrassing if you deny it over and over, and then have to own up to it. Just admit it to everyone, now, so that the teachers can clean it up and prevent it from happening in the future."

L shook his head defiantly. "I didn't do it," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I won't own up to it because it wasn't me. Maybe a few kids all contributed to it, and then Matt didn't notice it."

"Then why did _you_ run away?" Near shot at him, knowing that he and Mello were close to solving the case.

"I was going to get a teacher, so that they could fix it," L said, glaring at Near. Mello let out a bark of laughter, and L glared at him instead of Near.

"Then why was it Near who actually ended up bringing a teacher to see it after a few little kids almost fainted from it?" Mello smirked.

"I — I got sidetracked." L was obviously inventing wildly. He wouldn't look at either of the other boys. "I met up with a couple of kids who wanted me to help them correct their spelling tests, and by the time I got out of that Near had already . . ." He trailed away at the expressions of triumph on their faces.

"Anything you want to add, L?" Mello prompted, sharing a victorious smile with Near.

"Okay, okay," L grumbled. "I did it, okay? But it's not like I _meant _to —"

"We understand that." Near assured him.

"It's just that . . . well, I guess I don't eat enough fruit or something, but it just — just came out and kept coming and I couldn't stop it and . . ." He looked down at the toilet with regret. "I tried to flush it, but it all just came back up . . ." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. When he looked up, Mello and Near had backed up to the door, and were grinning at him. L sighed again.

"I'll go get the plunger."

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**Remember, you shit what you eat!**


End file.
